Baum v. Deck set for Saturday, featherweight clash set to decide boxing’s future

This Saturday’s upcoming featherweight title clash is the biggest match boxing has seen in decades. Baum (35-2) is set to defend his belt for the fifth year in a row, this time against brash newcomer, Deck (20-0). The two are actually former best friends, but both abandoned this sappy ideal of “friendship” in order to pursue their passions for boxing.

Coming into the fight, Baum has said, “I am the best. Nobody is better than me.” In response to such a brash declaration, Deck humbly told the media with aggression, “I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. Keep proving people wrong and proving myself right.”

This fight is going to be both fighters’ largest bouts in their careers so far. Baum, coming off a 2nd round knockout of O’Reilly (42-15-9) a year ago, is on the best winning streak of his career. Deck, meanwhile, sent Heffernan (65-22) into retirement with a devastating right hook in the first round.

Right now, DePaul Prep’s seniors have set the odds to 5-2 on a Baum victory. Experts Brian Ngo and William Morgan were able to speak with us for a little on the upcoming fight. “I don’t care what the odds say. Baum is old, slow, and has a bad hip. Deck is going to wipe the floor with him,” said Mr. Ngo, while Morgan told us that “Deck’s flimsy quad” would keep him away for a victory.

The undercard, Cataldo (8-8) v. Perez (9-4), will begin at 9 PM, with Zhang announcing the title fight at midnight behind McDonalds. (PPV is $15,900, with just under 1,000 purchases)


A note from The Ram Page: This article is satirical and meant for silly laughs! If you don’t know what satire is, consider signing up for AP Language & Composition. All faculty boxers mentioned in this article were given advance notice.