Vacant Day, the New V-Day for Singles!

Tommy Pettinger and Brian Ngo

Valentine’s Day is, simply put, a day of love. A day to show affection and adoration to your soulmate, your partner for life, your forever. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Well, for those of us that cannot experience this wonderful feeling, do not fear! There is a day to celebrate the dark solitude of being single.

Welcome to Vacant Day, the holiday of loneliness. Instead of pink and red, the colors associated with this glorious day are stained yellow and rusty brown.

We spoke to many “singles” to see what they do on this sad, sad day.

“Usually, I go home after work and heat up some leftover unseasoned ground beef from Tuesday’s taco night,” said one individual who has never felt the warmth of another.

“Yeah, you know, I like to rewatch season 2 of The Office while I sit in dirty gym shorts drinking Diet Cherry Coke,” said the former CEO of a major corporation.

Other people, however, find different ways to cope with the crushing desolation.

One person we spoke to said they “go to Planet Fitness on Free Pizza Fridays and run on the treadmill for three consecutive hours” so they may “sweat out the sadness.”

No matter the ritual, there’s something for every lonely person out there. While others are going out to dinner, dancing, exchanging gifts, and enjoying this wonderful day of love, go find your own tradition, you sad, empty people! You might not experience hope and absolution, but rather a dull headache and throbbing pains in your lower back.

Happy Vacant Day!